Welcome to the Guide to Love and Movies Valentine's Day Spectacular! "Dinner and a movie" is a phrase that for too long has raised the specter of hum-drum date night mediocrities. No longer! Movies, like fine wine, must be carefully paired with a meal. This year we've prepared three romantic itineraries to bring cinematic sizzle to your date, our little gift to all the lovers out there. Bon appetit!
An option for serious cinema lovers, an internationally-inspired dinner is paired with a moving Best Picture nominee about a homesick girl who finds love in a brand new country. This date night is unlikely to appeal to anyone with a deep-seated hatred of the Irish.
The Meal: Get into a New York state of mind by stopping into your favorite pizza shop. To put an Irish spin on your pie, consider toppings like cabbage, potato, or sausage. If you're an adventurous couple, pretend to have accents! Exclaim "Fugget about it!" or "What a load of bollocks!" anytime you think someone is listening, then giggle to yourselves. Engage in a pretend argument about the merits of black pudding or complain loudly about "the damned protestants."
After Dinner: Enjoy the movie! "Brooklyn" is rated PG-13 and runs for 1h 52m. After the film, solemnly contemplate the experience of immigrants in the United States. Invite your most racist relatives over for dessert and coffee. Sit in silent, abject misery when they launch into a series of vitriolic diatribes against refugees. Donate $10 to the charity of your choice. Go to bed, but stare at the ceiling for hours.
Bonnie and Clyde (1967)
Celebrate Valentine's Day with this unconventional choice featuring the romantic passions of legendary star-crossed criminals.
The Meal: This date starts by looking your best. Head to the mall with your sweetheart. Select stunning outfits for each other. Steal them. Head to your favorite restaurant with four or more dollar signs on Yelp. Order the most expensive things on the menu, then leave without paying. Notice a wine rack as you race out. Select a wine. Steal it. At your local entertainment retailer, ask for help finding "Bonnie and Clyde" on Blu-ray or DVD. Steal it. When driving, speed at all times.
After Dinner: Pop the cork on your wine selection, kick your feet up, and enjoy the movie! "Bonnie and Clyde" is rated R and runs 1h 52m. Sirens approach. When the cops finally break the door down, the end credits are playing, but the room is empty. Somewhere, tires squeal and tail lights fade into a dark, distant mist. A new legend begins.
Celebrate a love that will never die with this affordable date night inspired by the the timeless story of a girl and the 100 year old corpse who loved her!
The Meal: Surprise your sweetie to a delicious four-course dinner spread across four mouth-watering stops in this culinary celebration of the best-selling four-part series! Kick things off with a toast over a pair of Bloody Marys hastily concocted in the parking lot of your favorite grocery store, then dash with the speed of a glitzy glampire to Burger King for an appetizing round of garlic-free onion rings. For your main course, enjoy a burger from Wendy's, made to order as under-cooked as possible. Finally, head to the only place with arches as golden as Edward's eyes and enjoy an ice cold McFlurry. Close your eyes and imagine the frosty sensation of open-mouth kissing a Cullen.
After Dinner: After returning home, retreat to the sofa and snuggle up for the movie! "Twilight" is rated PG-13 and runs for 2h 2m. When it concludes, discover you have died. Spend eternity haunting your apartment/house with your boo.
And that wraps it up. Thanks for taking the time to read this year's V-Day spectacular. If a blog could have a valentine, you'd be ours. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!